Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Bin Ladin To Gyllenhaal: Thanks, Slut!

New York Daily News -

Bin Ladin: Actress Gyllenhaal is Right, and a Dirty Whore
By Scoop Johnson
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
Sunday, April 25th, 2005

Osama Bin Ladin, terrorist leader of Al Queda and mastermind of the 9/11 attacks, broke a months long silence yesterday, thanking an American actress for supporting his cause by saying America deserved it.

Actress Maggie Gyllenhaal, star of a new flick about the aftermath of 9/11, told NY1 yesterday she thought "America has done reprehensible things and is responsible in some way and so I think the delicacy with which it's dealt allows that to sort of creep in."

"By the Prophet, this foul temptress of unholy flesh shall burn in the fires of damnation, but even a broken clock is right twice a day, even a whorish clock," declared Bin Ladin on a newly released video statement sent via the web.

Among the sins of America for which it deserved the 9/11 attacks, Bin Ladin cited the United States' Constitution, democracy, and open society. Also denounced were America's lack of stoning laws, its intolerance of man-sheep love, and its love of dancing, music, and movies. Ironically, one of Gyllanhaal's earlier films came in for specific denunication.

"What was with Donnie Darko?" asked Bin Ladin, "What the hell was the point of that movie? A giant, evil rabbit orders him to commit acts of violence? Is he supposed to be crazy or what? Everyone knows the only legitimate orders to kill come from sexually repressed theocratic fascists hiding in caves while others blow themselves up. I gave that movie two thumbs way down."

"Still", concluded Bin Ladin, "It is truly a revelation of the All-Powerful that such a person so deserving of having her head cut off should also so bravely denounce the sins of her own nation. I would bless her if she was not such a disgusting infidel deserving of eternal torment."

The segment released on the web was reportedly only a portion of the Bin Ladin speech. The entire speech will be included on a special edition DVD of Fahrenheit 9/11 entitled, F911: The Jihadist Cut.

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